How Dade Miami says Happy Birthday to baby Jesus.

As I mentioned in my last blog, I spent my Christmas in Miami, and not the nice South Beach part. The icky area, near the the airport. While I was happy to be on my way home from Panama, I was still frustrated, annoyed, sad, and angry that I would be spending the holiday alone. When I got to there, Miami did nothing to quell my concerns . . .but it did get better.

The people at the Miami hotel were idiots, and not helpful at all. I was hoping to have sushi for dinner, since it was my one night in the States. I kept asking about what restaurants or movie theaters were open, and how much a taxi would cost, they knew nothing and suspected that EVERYTHING was closed for the holiday. They did however recommend the super seedy diviest of dive bars that was attached to the hotel, "Travelers" for Christmas dinner. You should have seen the spread, I should have taken pictures. It was so . . .trailer park. Words do not do it justice. But the women serving it was actually really sweet and enthusiastic about the meal, reminding me twice that it was all homemade. So I said what the hell and let her load up my plate, which was in fact very tasty. I took a seat at the bar and another friendly older woman took my order while puffing away on a Virginia Slim cigarette. She introduced herself as Barbie, was also very sweet, and she took care of me all night. The regulars continued to eyeball me through dinner, and once they were sure I had been adequately fed, the moved in for the kill. It was hilarious, these dudes were literally 55+ and more than half-drunk by 7PM. But that did not stop them from trying to run their game. Luckily they kept the creep factor to a minimum and even bought me drinks and keep me laughing all night. Two of the guys were old Viet Nam veterans and they were awesome. Friendly, funny, and making all kinds of ridiculous promises-like offering to fly me first class to Dallas for steak dinner! One of them even took out his glass eye for me!! Yeah it was that kind of crowd. It was equally disgusting and amazing, my jaw dropped, and he just laughed and said something highly inappropriate. By 10PM they were offering me hard drugs, so I knew it was time for me to cut the night short, but before I left the other one insisted that I take a half case of cigars with me. I still have the box, it's very nice looking, and everyone in St.Kitts got one for New Year's Eve.

I was supposed to leave the next morning, but I missed my flight and had to stay another night. I decided to stay out of "Travelers" the 2nd night, so no wild tales to report, but I did have one of the best American dinners I've had in a long time: a cheeseburger and a bottle of bud light. It wasn't sushi, but it was so good, and something you just can't find on St.Kitts. I finally made it home on Sunday the 27th with enough time to catch some of the Carnival fun. So yeah, not exactly an ideal Christmas, but one that I will never forget.

Travelers-best dive bar, EVER.